Here are my top tips for finding love.
1. Get clear about what you want. Make a list and be very specific. Figure out what kind of relationship you want, and what type of person you want to have a relationship with. Be really clear about the fact you are ready for a relationship. Say it out loud to yourself. I like the mantra “The perfect partner is already picked and I’ll meet them at the perfect time.”
2. Clear out the clutter from your past relationships. Get rid of traces of ex partners, like jewelry, gifts, texts, emails even contacts on your phone. The universe likes a vacuum, if there is a bunch of crap in the way it’s harder for something new to come in. You’ve got to feng shui your love life.
3. Work on clearing any blocks you may have to finding love. Do you believe that you aren’t good enough on some level? Do you have beliefs about the opposite sex that are holding you back from finding the right partner? Like all men cheat. Or women are crazy. Our childhoods have a profound effect on our love lives.
Our unconscious minds cause us to seek out emotional situations that resemble our childhood or early adulthood circumstances, regardless of whether those experiences were negative or positive.
Here is a little equation to show how it works. If your home environment was abusive then Home/Love=Fear/Abuse, if home was drama and chaos then Home/Love=Drama/Chaos, if home was critical and cold then Home/Love= Critical/Cold.
If home was drama, you may attract partners that have addictions, crazy issues and lots of dramas. If home was lonely and unkind, you may attract partners that ignore, withhold affection or criticize you. If home was fearful, you may attract partners that are emotionally or physically abusive.
If you keep seeing a pattern that is showing up in your relationships, ask yourself “In my childhood, Home (Love) was =______________________?”
For you, it may feel like love to be uncomfortable in a relationship. In your subconscious, love and therefore sexual attraction is equated with the negative feelings that you grew up with. This is why nice, stable people may seem boring – it doesn’t feel like love.
4. Learn about Attachment Types in how people relate to intimacy in relationships. There are secure types and insecure types. 50% of the population is the secure attachment type and they tend to be warm, loving, open and comfortable in romantic relationships. Insecure types tend to get really anxious in relationships or push people away.
Ideally you want to be with a secure type if you can. Once I learned about attachment types, and discovered that I was an insecure type, I decided the next person I was going to have a relationship with needed to be a secure attachment style so that I could learn to be secure in relationships.
I made every guy I went on a date with take an online test to see what attachment type they were. The first 9 guys I had take the test were insecure types so I told them I couldn’t see them again. The 10th guy was the most secure attachment type I had ever seen and he is now my fiancé.
5. Get your butt on some dating sites. The person of your dreams isn’t going to knock on your door, you need to go out and find them. I look at it like looking for a job. You don’t just drift through life hoping you will bump into the perfect job, or that someone will tell you about one…
6. Be yourself. One of the biggest turnoff for people is someone who is not authentic. Love and accept yourself and other people will too. No one deserves your love and acceptance more than you. Confidence is the sexiest quality there is.
7. Be ruthless and don’t settle. Don’t date someone almost right, someone you want to change. Everyone is going to have certain things that are annoying to you but if you can’t accept them as they are right now, move on. And settle for someone who doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve!
8. Listen to what people tell you. Especially guys. If a guy tells you that he is not looking for a relationship and doesn’t want children, believe him. Women tend to hope a man is going to change his mind and we waste a lot of time on people that don’t want the same things we do.